Monday, March 23

How To Keep A New Mum Happy

Keeping a new mummy happy

So your friend/sister/daughter/daughter in law is having a baby and you know there is a distinct possibility she will be tired, hormonal and maybe even a little tearful or stressed once the new baby comes along.

You can be such a great help to her and enjoy being a part of this exciting adventure, but there are a few unwritten 'rules' which although everyone may not agree with, certainly applied to me.

So many people decide to come out with the most ridiculous and even offensive things just to add to the load on our already weary shoulders.

I've put together this list which will help you survive your first visit, your relationship and maybe even help or comfort a new mum that you know. If you're pregnant now yourself then make sure your family and friends are aware of these points too, to save any future stress or violence (joke) at a later date.

Our latest squidge xx
  • Tell her you would love to meet the baby, then sit back and wait for an invite. They will call when they are ready. Sometimes we just need a day or two to come back down to earth or to help us recover. Having too many people visit early on can be stressful. It's also such a precious short time for us with our partners, let us enjoy it.

  • If there is an older sibling, please please please help us make a fuss of them too, maybe even bring them a gift. Its a huge adjustment for them and we need all the help we can get to reassure them they are still equally as loved as they were before.

  • Do not ask if the baby is sleeping through. Sometimes they do - but mostly they don't and you are likely to annoy us or upset a first time mum who may think they are doing something wrong. I like to think of it as extra cuddles, lucky me!

  • Don't wake my sleeping baby. I will kill you.

  • (This ones for the older generations). Forget what you did, what "never did us any harm" or "nobody ever told me it was wrong". Its not a personal attack that we have chosen to do things differently. Its twenty, maybe thirty years of research, experimenting and experience later and times have changed. By all means make a suggestion if we ask but please don't jump straight in with what should be done. We may be wrong but let us learn from our mistakes.

  • Do not criticise. Unless some sort of danger is looming, never criticise our choices or point out what you may find odd. Advice, technology and baby gadgets have changed. We still appreciate the old stuff but we embrace the new.

  • Don't ask if we are breast or bottle. I'm a boober as I'm far too lazy and disorganised for bottles. However, I always hated being asked this question, its nobody's business and you are highly likely to offend or even upset a mother that has tried and had to turn to bottles, or just chose bottles because it suits them. Does it affect you? No.

  • Please don't mock us if we sound confused. No sleep can really mess us up and I for one get very confused. Add to this some kind of mockery at my uselessness and you have yourself one sad mama. Baby brain is a real, sometimes annoying thing that really gets in the way.

  • Don't ask us about work, or when we are going back. Its bad enough we have to go back at all one day let alone be reminded five minutes after we get back from hospital that we have to leave our babies and go back to a different life some day.

  • Don't ask us when we are planning our next baby, let us heal at least! Sense of humor failure may just occur.

  • Offer to watch the baby while we take a shower or ask if we need help around the house but never insist on it, some of us are quite happy to muddle on and hog the tiny cuddles for a while. Don't be offended if we decline your kind offer, its just not what we need at that time.

  • Don't expect us to suddenly be ready for a night out or booze up, we are busy and tired and will most probably take some time to adjust to our new role.

  • Don't expect us to suddenly hand our babies over for a night or weekend, some of us don't feel comfortable with it, but if we ever want to, we will ask, I promise!

  • Don't tell us if you don't like the name we chose. Its special for us and just because it isn't something you'd choose doesn't give you the right to comment negatively. Also, please don't give our babies nick names or shorten their names unless prompted by us. It doesn't really matter but its really bloody annoying.

  • Don't turn up to our house unexpected. We want to show off our babies and see people but like to do it when we are not in our pants with one boob hanging out on a day we happen to have left the pukey baby in a faded old baby gro. Give us a chance to prepare ourselves so we can feel proud when we open that door.

I could probably list a million more but for now that should be enough to see you through!



Thanks for reading.


Wafflemama
xx

6 comments:

  1. Great tips! Hope this will reach the childless people. I would add "Bring lot's of home-cooked food to the new mum and family" to the list. Cooking healthy food or cooking anything, for that matter, is a challenge when you have just had a baby.

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    1. Yes definitely! I feel I will need to do a part two, there are just too many silly people in this world. I know with my first he was so clingy I just lived off crisps! Thanks for reading and commenting :) x

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    2. Yes definitely! I feel I will need to do a part two, there are just too many silly people in this world. I know with my first he was so clingy I just lived off crisps! Thanks for reading and commenting :) x

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  2. This is sooo brilliant! I am expecting our first in July and also expecting a lot of the above. Now...how can I subtly ask all my friends and family to read this and take note?! :-) Sharing on my Facebook page anyway, maybe one or two will get the hint! x

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    1. Lol thank you and congratulations!! I'm sharing again on behalf of my pregnant friends too so fingers crossed it falls to the right people lol xx

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