Tuesday, May 05, 2015

Men with beards

Some observations as a wife of a beard

  • A beard is beautiful thing. Men with beards are even greater than a beard just sat there on its own, that would be a little creepy, but would make a magnificent pet.

  • Men with beards are handsome dashing creatures with a dignified gentlemanly stature, a fuzz of joy that you just want to squish, and put sticks in.

  • Men with beards are very particular.


  • Don't think that beards just 'sprout' from nowhere, beards take work, oiling, combing, trimming, styling, selfie-taking with a mean sideways glare.

  • Don't think that a beard is just 'a bit of hair'. It's like inviting a royal Persian cat to (for want of a better phrase) sit on your face. The beard has its own conversation sector, it needs to be checked regularly and the wearer needs to be reassured as to its fullness and his handsomeness.

  • There are championships for men with beards. Even some women have beards, it's not for everyone luckily, but something to look forward to in retirement to keep me warm in winter.

  • Brian Blessed is the king of beards, most of the greatest men in history had beards. I can't name any other than Father Christmas but I'm pretty sure this is a fact.

  • There is such a thing as beard envy, though it must never be talked about and it would not be beardly to do so, instead you must thrust out your beard like a pumped up pigeon and show the rival beard who's boss.

Beards ladies and gentlemen.

Thanks for reading,

Wafflemama

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