Like most people the arrival of Corona virus and lock down made my emotions go all over the place and although the past few weeks have been a bit easier again, I can help but just feel really weird about everything that's going on and the changes we see every day. I say weird because I don't honestly know how I feel or how to describe it, but it's just a general feeling of not wanting the old life back and disliking other people quite a lot!
When they first mentioned schools going back it threw me completely. It was a time when we were all still worrying a lot, most people were still isolating and shops etc were limited in customers and strict on rules. Suddenly our most precious babies were expected to return which meant me returning to work and it all just felt too much. I started to spiral a bit and worked very hard to stay afloat and not let it all get to me. We got through, the other kids went back and I had no choice but to stay home too as Alf's year weren't allowed back yet which felt like a bonus. I don't mind going back to work particularly, it just felt too early, too risky and nobody seemed to have good answers as to why.
Now though, the restrictions are being eased a lot, I'm not entirely sure what we can and can't do, who we can see, who we can't see, where we can go etc etc. The party invites have started back up for the kids which doesn't seem right, some shops are normal, some are strict and it's all just uncomfortable. I braved town on Saturday and found that I'm much happier in the stricter shops, knowing there will be less people and more space to browse. I don't mind queuing outside and actually I'd much prefer this to a busy shop even without the threat of a virus. We've seen some family briefly and that's been lovely and also strange. I've still not once been able to get an online food shop and I'm so sick of doing them.
People seem to have already forgotten that initial kindness spreading, helping others and community spirit that seemed so strong at the start of lock down. Countrywide we were for once all in the same boat, money didn't have as much meaning, we all learnt how lucky we are to have any kind of home or garden to call our own and we got on with it. Now though this seems to have all gone awry, people are back to being judgemental, unhelpful and unkind and I don't like it!
So instead of a weekly update you get this random spewing of moans and I'm sorry for that, but it helps a lot writing things down doesn't it?!
How are you feeling right now?