Monday, March 23

How To Keep A Pregnant Woman Happy

How to keep a pregnant woman happy.

Stand back and throw chocolate at them? Yes that could work, but there are many other ways you can make them happy simply by not saying certain things or doing things that may bring on 'the rage'.
These points may not apply to everyone but certainly applied to me, especially first time round. Every single one relates to something I experienced. I don't know if I just keep bad company or if these things are common, I'd love to know!

Me pregnant with my daughter
  • Buy them food. Seriously, it can make them happy. Our body craves things we have no control over and at funny times of day or night too. First time round it was pizza, I'd have had it for every meal if I could, especially that pesky Papa John. Second time it was raspberries by the punnet load, an expensive habit!

  • Don't joke about multiples. Yes there could be more than one. Yes their bump may look big for their weeks and yes just maybe the blind sonographer may have missed one or two babies. They may however just have too much water or just be a little fat.

  • Don't joke about them having a giant baby or comment on how big or small their bumps are. Most women are worried about everything when they are pregnant so having people point out things they are already worrying about (probably needlessly, but still) doesn't help.

  • Don't mention other peoples scans/births that have gone wrong. They feel sad for those people of course, but lets not make this any more terrifying than it already is. Someone told me on the morning of my 12 week scan "My friend knows someone who went for their scan and the baby had no limbs". I mean seriously? Last thing anyone wants to hear, and that wasn't even the worst story I was told.

My scan picture
  • Don't call a pregnant woman fat, fatty, fatty boom boom or pat her belly saying 'wooooaaahhhh', making jokes about 'who ate all the pies'. Yes people are really this stupid.

  • Don't laugh when they tell you their birth plan. Yours may have ended with a sunroof exit instead of your blissful 'hypno-Enya-on-the-panpipes-under-water' style birth but it just may go to plan for them, you never know they may just get their 'Barry White singing, out in one push, pain free drug free' birth!

  • Don't talk about their hormones. Sometimes they may think you're being a royal dick bag. Its not always their hormones, but if it is then you are probably best off not mentioning the 'H' word.

  • If they choose to find out and share the gender of their babies, please don't comment negatively saying things like "another boy!?" Or "oh no didn't you want a girl?". They just want a healthy baby and sometimes yes, they do want it to go a certain way, they feel guilty enough about that without someone reiterating the point.
My son measuring my bump. "It measures lots".

  • Tell them they look radiant, they probably do, but if they don't? Just don't tell them they look rough or tired, they will cry, hate you, hit you - or all of the above.

  • Ask them what they need and help them get it.

  • Be nice to them when they are grumpy, they are after all growing a human, high five to that!

  • Let them be emotional. And don't laugh at their reasons. It may be silly to cry because the lady down the road has lost her cat, (poor Fluffy waaaaaghhhhhh) but at that moment it demands tears, so be it.

  • Let them eat cake. They love cake.
This one please.
If you are pregnant reading this and agree with the above, please feel free to share with your friends and family to help prevent any unwanted arguments, stress or murders.

Thanks for reading!


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