Mama Life - Collaborative Post
Relationships can be wonderful, but they can also be pretty deceptive things at times. Not only can your partner control or betray you, but you can also deny the truth to yourself too. Seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses is a real phenomenon, and you can often find yourself embroiled in an unhealthy situation, without ever accepting that’s what’s happening.
Psychologists and gurus, however, now have a pretty good idea of what a healthy relationship should look like. People in positive relationships tend to exhibit similar styles of interactions. Here's a few ways you can tell whether your relationship is healthy or not.
You’re Free To Speak Your Mind
Ask yourself honestly about what happens if you speak your mind in your relationship? Are you met with curiosity and openness? Or is there name calling, gas lighting or things that leave you doubting/blaming yourself.
Sometimes, speaking your mind isn’t what the other person wants to hear. You might be saying something that goes against their values or ethics. Or you might be criticizing them in some way they can’t cope with, but either way, if it's right, then both sides should respect each others values and points of view, allowing you to talk freely without fear.
When this happens, the other person has a choice. They can either accept what you’ve said or attempt to punish you for it so that you won’t do it again. You also have to evaluate yourself. Sometimes you’ll speak your mind, but only to punish the other person. You might, for instance, say that they look dreadful, just because you’re sick and tired of them being lazy or staying up all night playing video games. It works both ways and sometimes we all need to look at our role in relationships too.
You Find Joy Being With Them
Joy is a funny thing. Unlike happiness, it accepts difficulties. But it sees the good in them anyway.
Being in a relationship is challenging. In many ways, having a partner is a way of introducing a necessary adversary to your life. You want somebody there who is going to push back from time to time. That’s where the satisfaction comes into play.
But even though it’s tough, you want to see it through. There’s pleasure in the process. You’re not thinking about the next person you’ll fall in love with. You like your situation right now.
You Offer Kindness
If you ask people what they want most in their relationships, it’s kindness. They want people who understand their foibles and accept them. It’s so basic. And yet, it’s something that can be hard to achieve at times. Being kind to another human being when you’re hurting yourself is an immense challenge and when we can do so in that kind of situation, we know we're in it for the long haul.
You can show kindness in all kinds of ways. Using Valentines flower delivery is a very traditional way of showing that you care, but it doesn't always have to be something like a physical gift. Another perfect option is to spend some time listening to their problems, showing you care and that they are worth your time. You could also try meditating with them or doing some chores so that they can relax, showing them you see their needs and love them enough to support them through their struggles.
You Talk To Your Partner About Your Problems
If you find yourself always talking to other people about your problems, not your partner, it suggests that maybe your relationship could do with a helping hand or that it possibly isn't meant to be. For whatever reason, you feel like you can’t go to them with your issues. You worry that they will blow up in some way or perhaps they’ll become angry. Maybe they’ll be depressed, perhaps they have no interest in you. Whatever it is, it’s a sign that things aren’t quite right and you owe it to yourself to find someone that you can be truly open with.
Whatever situation you're in, it sometimes helps to take a step back, ask yourself if you feel comfortable, relaxed and open in your relationship. You deserve to be happy, but also supported, looked after and reassured, so if you're questioning whether it's right, think about the above and do what you need to in order to find true happiness in a relationship.