Monday, February 11, 2019

Healthy Mama || Eating Like It's Still Christmas

Although I vowed not to 'diet' this year, I did plan on cutting the junk, being more careful with my choices and trying to have some kind of liquid intake that isn't coffee or diet coke.

Needless to say from that there title, it's all fallen a bit flat after the first few weeks and I seem to have reverted to eating like its my last day on earth (or Christmas) and I must fatten up to survive eternity.

I don't feel out of control with my binge eating disorder most the time but I feel it sneaking back in and it's so disappointing especially when I'm feeling OK otherwise. I know I just need to be firm with myself, show a bit more will power and basically stop being a greedy bastard but I'm not finding it all that easy.

My clothes are feeling tight, no angle is flattering for a selfie and I just feel rubbish, sluggish and poorly with it, so why doesn't this stop me?

My main problems is that I just bloody love food. Even when I have something healthy, if it's tasty I'll want to over eat on it. I'm a total pizza addict and most of the time dehydrated but instead of reaching for the water, I'll eat a bag of crisps, because cheese based maize snacks are known for their hydrating qualities, not.

I know you're probably reading this thinking 'just put down the cake', and I agree but I am struggling with it again and I'm feeling a little fed up now. Having dealt with a few other mental health issues, this one keeps coming back and it's beyond what I feel is normal.

I'm not sure what the answer is as when I diet or restrict myself I want it more and end up spiralling into a binge, but clearly doing nothing but being careful has lost its effectiveness now too.

Everyone says to do slimming world, weight watchers, calorie counting, but literally following anything at all becomes a food obsession and that's exactly what I need to avoid.

I know there's no magic trick and it's not easy but I need something between binge eating which I'm good at and starving myself which I'm also bizarrely good at that will work for me. I don't want to count, weigh, restrict, I just want to be healthy. I don't know why a basic human skill has to be so complicated?

How's your healthy year been so far?