April 28, 2015

Back To Work Blues

The time has come, the week I return to work after maternity leave. I am totally suffering from the 'back to work blues', again.

With my first baby, I had a full time job which I was due to return to, but from the day I came home with my son I knew that could never happen. There was no way I would be able to leave my baby with someone else. Nine months soon came around and I extended my leave until he was one. This meant a bit of a squeeze money wise but I needed the extra time to get my head round leaving baby with people I didn't know, or just leaving him at all which I had never done. I physically couldn't do it.

A year soon crept up on me and in a snap decision I quit my job. After nursery fees and petrol I would have earnt a maximum of £10 a day going back, reason enough to not bother. I also wouldn't get to do all the fun baby stuff, I'd have to rip my heart out every day I left him and go to a job that meant nothing. My hours wouldn't have worked well with a baby, and I had a boss that would probably have all children put down a mine if she had her way.
I have never regretted my decision and apart from the drop in money, getting to spend every day with my son has been totally worth it. 

Time with this one - priceless.
It took me nearly a year to find a part time job that fitted in with my day, who would have thought it would be so hard to get an evening job. I felt so useless applying for job after job at fast food places, supermarkets and nothing. I have a degree and worked from the age of 13, yet it seemed I was totally unemployable. I finally got offered a temporary Christmas job, nothing glam just in a supermarket on the food counters, they kept me on and that's where I am still today, awaiting my return.

This time round the past 9 months have gone even faster. I've had some amazing times with my babies and some alone time with my daughter while her brother goes to pre school, though not enough.

Going back to work is no easier, nor is leaving my baby.

I will be working just three evenings for just four hours, I know I really shouldn't complain. We have cut down our bills as much as we can so this just about works for us.

The main reason I am dreading my return is that I will miss bedtimes. Bedtimes can be a bit manic at times but it's the only time of the day we are all together and that brief few minutes a day are so lovely. I usually get baby to sleep as I still feed her, something I can't imagine not doing. Missing bedtime right now makes me really sad but I'm sure I will get my head around it next week.

Since I left work my boss has changed, half the people have left and everything on the job seems to have changed too. I've also not really driven since I left and have developed a crazy fear of the dark! 

Wish me luck, lets hope I can shift these blues soon and that it's not as bad as I think it will be.

Thanks for reading,


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