Wednesday, April 1

The Worst Things About Being Pale.

I'm pale. It's ok, we don't mind talking about it.
A lady from work described me as  'the white circle with lipstick' and calls me 'Hetty Palethorpe'. To be fair she is right.

Summer will soon be upon us, a time when us pale folk look forward to the heat, but recoil in fear of its threatening rays of doom! Winter has now been forgotten but the memories of being mistaken for a snowman and looking mostly half dead have not.

Morticia - a hero of our people.
So what are the worst things about being pale? Let me tell you.
  • You look like a goth. 
    Whatever we wear, we are goths. If you're fat and pale like me, with a 'black cures all' wardrobe, you may as well give in to the 'gothdom' completely.
  • The palest makeup still makes you look orange.
    Most brands lightest shade still makes us look pretty orange. With my aged skin this isn't such a problem now but as a teenager I used to use talc instead of powder to lighten things up!

This is not me as a teen.
  • Sometimes you don't show up in pictures (white circle curse). 
    The slightest bit of flash and we look like an extra from Most Haunted. Brilliant.
  • You're scared of the sun, it burns, IT BURRRNNNNNS!
    We don't even have to be out in it for long and we have a random red patch somewhere. Even on our scalp, yay!
  • People always ask 'Are you OK? You look pale?
    It's because we ARE pale!
  • You feel like a vampire.
    Pale, dressed in black recoiling in horror from the sun?
  • You  DON'T tan. You go red and white again.
    Hard for some folk to understand, but we really don't tan, no matter how hard we try.
  • No amount of sun cream feels like enough.
    Slimy slimy pale people, don't stare.
  • If you go abroad they stare at you like something out of a sideshow.
    One holiday in Spain I felt like a celebrity, for some reason a pork coloured wobbly girl is quite enough for a whole pool side of people to gasp in horror! 
  • Everyone thinks its funny.
    Haha you're so pale! *presents arm to compare colours*.
  • You get freckles everywhere.
  • Your wobbly bits look worse.
    Did you ever see Gok Wan not put a tan on anybody? We have to admit it, people do look better with a little tan.
Look behind the tanned girl, that's me laying right there.

Over the years I've tried the odd home remedy which usually results in me looking like I've been sprayed with 'Ronseal' or that I have some sort of disease.
I'm yet to find anything that suits my skin, so I'm afraid that maybe the time has come to accept my milky future with all its annoyances and embrace the pale.

Any recommendations welcome!

Thanks for reading, 

Hetty Palethorpe - Milky bar selling, milk loving, goth vampire.


1 comment:

  1. I get asked if I'm okay all the time
    When it's hot I'm red when it's cold I'm white
    Doesn't bother me anymore
    Occasionally wear makeup just to feel better in myself
    I know exactly where you are coming from


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