Sunday, April 26

Second Baby: Change Is Good!

When I was expecting my second baby I had lots of worries and fears about what would become of our family and how I'd feel afterwards. It all sounds so silly now but at the time it was totally gut wrenching. 

I read a post by Katy that really put my mind at ease, so I hope in turn this post would do the same for someone. Its normal to worry and I want people to know that.

Another reason for writing this is because IF by any chance in the future we decide to have baby number three (gulp!) Then I can look back on this for reassurance, as I would no doubt feel the same again.
"Look Mummy - a baby train!".
Baby A was my first baby, a beautiful baby boy who is three and a half now and the most wonderful amazing lovely child you could ever wish to meet (99% of the time).  
He is super sociable and was not a big fan of playing alone, he needed a sibling. We always wanted more than one, so off we went (I'll spare you the details) and we were extremely lucky and blessed to fall pregnant again with baby S, our amazing little girl. 

I had the most straightforward pregnancy second time round, compared to my first pregnancy that was horrendous from start to finish. This was great, but an easy pregnancy meant I didn't really feel pregnant or at all ready for baby number two. I felt bad that I didn't feel the same excitement as the first time round. I just felt guilt towards my son and how our/his lives were going to change so much. I didn't know how I would ever feel love for another baby as I did for him. 

I had the vision of our new family of four, A playing with his new baby sister, walks in the park and lazy Sunday afternoons. I still felt terrible though that my son would feel left out, neglected, or dislike for his sister. 

I've never really been apart from A and I've only ever worked in the evening when he's asleep. Going into hospital for induction meant god knows how many days apart and this was another thing that worried me so much. The last few weeks we had to stay at home more and I felt we were having our last cuddles together.

Needless to say, the hospital stay wasn't as bad as expected and a quick and easy birth meant I was feeling better very quickly. A went to his uncle and aunts for the day/night for his first ever sleep over with his cousins. They were great and took him on a grand day out, he had a whale of a time and they sent me lots of pictures and texts to keep me happy.
Our first trip out. Proud big brother with his 2 day old sister.
I missed him so much but the second I saw his new baby sister it was true love all over again. All my worries were gone in a heart beat. It turned out I didn't have to share the love, I had more all along. THIS was our family now and I felt happier than ever. I felt the exact same love and happiness I had first time round and felt silly for all my doubts. My husband brought A into hospital to visit me and it was just one of the best moments of my life. Seeing my babies together and the love that A so obviously had for his new little friend, that he had talked to through my tummy for so long. 

A has become the best big brother ever and is still the sweetest boy to her every day, so far. I still get my special Mummy/Son time and we are still super close.
I realise now that I never needed to feel all the guilt. I always knew deep down I would love baby S and my only downfall was loving A so much I didn't want things to change. Things have changed, but change is good. We are one happy family and are going to have the best of adventures, all four of us!

What an amazing day.

Thanks for reading.

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