When you turn a blind eye to something and give in to temptation and negative feelings, all hell can break loose and this is exactly what has happened with my weight over the past 10 months or so.
After working really hard throughout 2015, I managed to lose a whopping 5 stone slowly but sensibly, only to put half of that back on last year. I feel so stupid right now.
I had a taste of better health, I felt better, I saw my body shape change and started to feel great about myself. I no longer shied away from the camera, shopping was an absolute delight and I had so much more self confidence.
My high point was soon shattered though by my chronic back pain from an unknown source, followed by depression, a bit of an anxiety relapse and worst of all, stupid comments from other women that I took to heart.
As the Year went on (2016) I piled weight back on and eventually, at the end of last year I got a diagnosis for my back. I was told I have degeneration of the spine, several damaged discs and basically arthritis. As rubbish as that is, it was actually a bit of a turning point as I finally had answers, I knew I couldn't change anything but know now I can work on slowing down further damage and easing the pain that I have each and every day.
As for the comments I had, at my peak of slinkyness another mum said that she was glad she hadn't lost weight as at least she wouldn't have as many wrinkles. Now in hindsight it's pretty obvious that this person was probably just jealous that I had achieved what she is now desperately trying to do, and I hate that I took it to heart instead of just strutting my stuff and feeling proud. I took it to mean that although I had lost weight I now looked wrinkly and as others agreed with her comments, I just thought what's the point?
So here we are now, still 2.5 stone up on a year ago and now 5 stone from where I need to be. This is the rough weight I need to be so that my bones can actually support my body weight, damage is slowed down, pressure relived on joints and I have less pain according to the specialists. So although it is just a number on a scale as they say, it really is a lot more than that now. I would also love to get in those gorgeous new clothes I got and feel fab again.
I need to get back on track and this starts right now. I'm sick of feeling sluggish, I'm sick of staring at gorgeous clothes I can't wear and if I can wake up without feeling like I've just been hit by a speeding truck every morning then yes please, I'll take that too!
I've been putting off starting my 12 day detox but I'll fully embrace that from next week. From today though, I'll watch my calorie intake and take those much needed baby steps to get back on track.
Wish me luck and if you have any tips to get back in the zone please do leave me a comment and let me know.