Friday, January 04, 2019

Mama Life || Getting Past Broody

For a long long time I'd see a baby and get all the feels. The broodiness was strong with me, but it kind of feels like I'm past that now and it feels good as I never actually thought I'd feel this way and I was convinced I'd have to live with a constant yearning for a non existent child I was never going to have.

I remember asking in a group about ''how do you know when you're done having children?' and I was really panicked as I knew Adam was done, but I just pictured us having one more.

I don't know if it's just because the last year has been a struggle, or if it's because the bad times are so bad, the kids arguing drives me to insanity and the thought of a crying baby in the mix is enough to send me over the edge but I really feel like I'm done. I feel like when I hold someone else's newborn I can enjoy a snuggle, be pleased for them but not have that craving for my own. Yass!

I think if it happened by some kind of accident then I'd obviously say bring it on or if Adam suddenly slipped his decision and begged me to have another, I probably would, but I'm so so happy to not have that need or that worry about regretting our choices. I think in a way I was more worried about getting too old and regretting not having any more, than actually wanting one which is really stupid and definitely not a good reason to have another. I suppose I know that I'd never regret having more but maybe I would regret not using the opportunity to have more? Either way, if I'm honest I would struggle mentally and physically, plus 35 was always my cut off which is just three months away.

I guess how I feel now is that I'm truly happy as we are and moving on as a family of four is perfect. Also though, if another did suddenly arrive then I guess that would be a blessing and we'd go from there. Right now though, the broody crazy bit of my mind is silenced and it feels SO good.

Did you know when your family was complete?