Just recently I applied for a job. For most people this isn't a big deal, it's a part of life. For me though, I've been confidently self-employed for two years and loving it. Although the job was perfect for me and fit in with school hours and holidays, on reflection after what was the worst interview of my life and oh so embarrassing, it has opened my eyes to a few things, well a lot of things that will kick me up the proverbial and give me the boost I need.
First things first, the job. This was a semi creative role in a school setting, a job I was well qualified for with plenty of experience and for which on paper I ticked every box. Interview wise though, I was a total flop and knew I would be before I even set foot in that door. Maybe I wasn't ready, maybe it was sitting reading a memorial wall for half an hour before going in, maybe it was the casual not casual uncomfortable setting of the interview itself or the fact that another school mum was on the interview panel (turns out she's a school governor, who knew). Whatever it was, I flunked it good and proper. I stuttered, I slurred my words, I had full brain fog and barely remembered my own name let alone retaining the ability to come up with any kind of legible answer for what were simple but mostly unexpected questions. I'm normally good in interviews, I can bring out business mama and stand my ground but, on that day, I fell apart. I knew I wasn't going to get it and it's like I'd given up before I even tried. Was I subconsciously sabotaging myself? Maybe. I hope not, but on reflection although this was the right job it maybe wasn't the right time.
Failing at this job attempt so spectacularly has meant I've reflected much more on my blog work and seeing as I'm not actively looking for work but this one just happened to be perfect, it's now time to step up my game and pick things up a bit to make this business more of a success and get all those pluses I wanted from employment right here at home.
So on reflection I do love working from home but I have realised maybe I am craving a bit of company at times so need to find a way to organise my time to get some social interaction alongside my work. I've realised that I was just bumbling along doing enough to stay afloat, but not actively looking forward or making plans for what I want to achieve, I need to get on that.
I've realised that although the interview was embarrassing and still makes me shudder, it was a huge thing for me to feel good enough for a proper job role, fill in that application and make it to not only be one of the six people to be interviewed out of a huge number of applications, but be in the last two, missing out to one person who presumably could at least string a sentence at the interview and answer basic questions, so good luck to them. I'm proud I tried, I have no regrets of letting a seemingly perfect job pass me by and I can now get on with work knowing I tried, it wasn't to be and there's always a reason for that. I'll look every now and then and if something equally as perfect comes up again, I may try again.
I've learnt that to be doing what I'm doing, building something from nothing and making my own money is actually quite admirable and for that I should be proud too. I've also learnt that I'm able to produce artwork people genuinely want to buy, that those in the know feel has the potential to market well in the right places.
So ultimately I’ve learnt that the future is bright, I should be proud of myself and I have lots of things I can do now to keep building my home business and keep doing what I'm doing, just doing it with the same level of gusto and enthusiasm I felt for that job role for that week and not just doing the minimum to get by.
This week I'm starting to put together a more structured plan for my weeks, including work, self-care and some social activities. When I try and focus on it all at once I end up achieving nothing, but to have a bit of structure like I was craving from that job, I could just blow this up and make myself super proud. By the new year I want to be using my time effectively, so the overwhelm of being mum, working and running the home all works together, without the stress and leaves me time for a little self-care too.
Maybe making a fool of yourself occasionally dribbling through a job interview isn't so bad after all? But jeez, I won't be rushing back for more just yet!